what is impossible with me, is possible with I AM

so, i finished studying the pastoral epistles today and will be moving on to the rich and wonderfully layered book of Hebrews.  i am reminded again and again by the Gospel of how we are marked by Love and how Love wars against our selfish natures to transform us into the people of light.

last week, i was in Oklahoma at a Cumberland Presbyterian camp with my boys from work.  i didn't have any of my boys in my group, but instead was put with a middle school group.  it was interesting having to explain to people that i am not a Presby and try to explain to them what exactly i am.  Presbies are fun people, though, and it was a good week.  the message of the week was "Hello, Love," and all week long we talked about what true Love looks like, how it flows from the Father and is demonstrated by the Son and with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can show it in our lives.  what a great reminder that we should never ever get tired of.

and this is why (like a Presby) i enjoy communion every week.  maybe "enjoy" is not the right word.  for often, my sin makes communion not an "enjoyable" thing.  but it humbles me, reminding me of the sacrifice of Love our sweet and wonderful Savior poured out for us and how He has redeemed what was lost and turned death back into life, and not just life, but Eternal Life.  as i was studying a while ago, i was overcome with affection for the Lord and again blown away by the magnitude of His grace and His working in the lives of broken vessels such as ourselves.

sanctification is not an easy thing, but it is beautiful.  it is ever a good reminder that i am incapable and that He is capable in all things-that His strength is made perfect in my weakness.  in this is the substance of joy and hope and life itself.  Hallelujah, Maranatha.

in other news, i have a girlfriend for the first time in over four years.  it's kind of a weird thing for me, and at the same time, feels very normal and right.  i look back on the foolish kid i was five, six years ago and shake my head, praising God for the fact that i have seen His work in my life by breaking me and pouring wisdom into me despite my better efforts to do things my way.  

anyway, i have always been so wishy-washy with girls, and this has just not been the case with Christa.  as i was talking about with my old roomie David the other day, those first few weeks of a relationship are so fun and exciting, and i am enjoying this time, but at the same time, i am preparing my heart for the pitfalls that will surely come in it-the times when God will reveal my own selfishness and pride, and i am praying that God will teach me how to serve, how to be more patient, how to be pure in my mind and in my words.  i want to honor Him in this, because she is His daughter, and you do not mess with Daddy's daughter.  likewise, i am His son, and i want to be like Daddy.

i look at my past behind me and the uncertain future ahead, as Christ continues to teach me TRUST, OBEDIENCE, WISDOM...  i often plead for more of the gift of prophecy, knowing that it draws me closer to His will, and i earnestly pray that it is my desire, for i know that so often, i want MY will to be done on earth as opposed to His.

in the end, i set my Hope on Him who IS Hope,

for what is impossible with me, is possible with I AM.

as a drink offering

so, i've been studying 2 Timothy this week, and it has been very feeding to my soul.  i listened to a Piper sermon last night on 2 Timothy that he gave before a conference of young pastors, and it was really great.

as i opened up the Word to chapter 4 of the text today, i found myself moved to tears by the words of Paul to Timothy in verse 6, as he says "For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come."  i am overcome with incredible emotions at the thought of Paul, sitting in a dark Roman cell, emaciated, aged, and beaten, saying farewell to a young man who was so dear to his heart that he calls him "my beloved child" in v2 of chapter 1.

and it got me to thinking about what a drink offering is.  a drink offering is, simply, something poured out upon an existing offering.  in the faith of the Old Testament saints, only blood sacrifices were accompanied by both a meal offering AND a drink offering.  and because it is something just poured out upon an offering already made, there is a sense to it of being wasted.  so what Paul is saying here is that his life is being poured out, being "wasted" upon the blood sacrifice that is in Jesus Christ, the ultimate offering.  this is not a complaint, but rather a reason to rejoice, for the picture is one of his essence, his spirit departing the clay vessel that is this mortal body to be joined and melded with that of the eternal essence of Christ in His Resurrection.

this is a powerful picture of his faith, and the faith he urges for Timothy and all believers, in Jesus Christ, our Lord.  we, in our weak clay vessels, can add nothing to the significance of Christ's sacrifice, no matter what our accomplishments may be (and Paul's own accomplishments were great indeed), yet He invites us as His children to be included in his sacrifice that we might join Him in being an acceptable and pleasing offering to the Father.  

and rather than being filled with mourning or regret for these things, he is instead filled with joy and celebrates what Christ has done in his life, proclaiming, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."  there is a joyous ache in this statement, and one can feel the absolute longing in his spirit to go Home and to be in the presence of his King, the crown of righteousness, which is not earned but given out of the King's goodness and mercy and love towards His servants, set upon his head as Eternity overwhelms him.

i am encouraged and challenged by these words to faithfully carry the Word in the calling that God has called me to in preaching the Gospel, in training up myself and other young men around me in godliness.  i want to be wasted for Christ.  i want to be poured out as a drink offering.

summer thus far

so, i haven't updated in a while (this is typical), so here goes...

favorite parts of the summer so far (in no particular order):

1. Up.

if you still haven't seen this movie, you need to.  it's wonderful.  i cry.  it's got the biggest heart ever.  *sigh*

2. reading.

i've been at it again since finally finishing Lewis' Space trilogy.  not his best work, but glad to say i've finished it.  as for other great reads:

-The Catcher in the Rye.  wow.  the perfect teenage angst novel.

-To Kill a Mockingbird.  holy crap.  i cried at the end.  well done, Harper.

-currently reading "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy.  i just started it last night and am already 90 pages in.  holy crap.  it's soooo good and dark and depressing and wonderful.  if you've never read it, you should.  i can't wait to finish it.

3. KV

this perpetually stays on my list of favorite parts of my life, of course.  but it was so good to go to camp and hang out with my 6 boys and just see the Lord work on them in various ways (and work on me through them).  Kids' Village has been such a blessing to my walk and i'm excited that my parents get to come see me teach in a couple of weeks!

i suppose that's all i've got for now.  don't expect me to post again for a while.  but then, i think only, like, one-and-a-half people read this thing.  i mean, i don't even read it, so, i can hardly blame you.

alright, so that's summer thus far.

that's how it is.

i really don't have much to say here.

i don't really bloggity-blog much these days. i don't feel like i have anything to say here that i can't say to someone face-to-face @ jupiter house or whatnot.

but i will let you know i'm incredibly happy with how "the year" is going. i'm currently working on may (duh), and hope that it will turn out as great as the other 4 tracks thus far. january was a beast, but i think i just about have it tamed. i listened to the new mix in my car earlier and it sounded good. it's about time.

not sure what i'm going to do with the kids today at work. i think bowling & laser tag. sure, why not?

well...

that's how it is.

weep not, child, weep not, joy comes in the morning. laugh, child, laugh loud. Heaven is not far.

the angels of Jupiter House

last night (3/8/09), i came to Jupiter House to do some reading and writing before meeting up with Sarah.  i noticed when i walked in that my friend Aaron Fair was sitting on one of the couches, so i went over to converse with him.  

as i did so, i took notice of two little girls nearby who were playfully chasing each other and dancing in the area next to the couches.  they were about the same height, looked to be about six years old, and were both dressed in white shirts with blue jean shorts.  one was a white girl with short blonde hair and the other was dark-skinned, and looked a bit Indian, with long dark hair.  

i talked with Aaron for a while and then went and sat down to do some reading.  while reading my Bible, the two little girls came walking over to me, and the darker-skinned one held out a small foam flower sticker to me.  i looked at her and asked, "is this for me?"  she said nothing, but nodded her head a bit solemnly and so i took it.  it was green.  "thanks," i said, "that's my favorite color.  good job!"  

i smiled at them, they looked at each other, looked back at me and smiled.  then they walked away.  i didn't think about this until later, but no one else seemed to take notice of them as they walked by numerous people.  out of the corner of my eyes, i watched as they went back over to the couch area and began to dance/play again.  i did not see when they left.  

i was there for a lot longer.  sarah and i talked and then finally i gathered my things to leave, including the green flower sticker.  i saw that Aaron was still sitting on the same couch, so i went over to tell him goodbye.  i told him about the sticker and how those two little girls had given it to me.  

"what little girls?" he asked.  

"the two who were right over here dancing earlier," i said, pointing next to the couch he was sitting on.  "they were right over here!"  

i described them in detail to him, but he shook his head and said, "i never saw them."  Aaron, who is a volunteer in Kid's Village too, is a pretty observant guy, and not one to jack around with people.  

now, this whole episode was strange for several reasons, of course, but also because when i had told sarah about the two girls earlier, i had joked saying, "maybe they were angels."  well...maybe they were.

i was telling my mom this story the next day, yesterday, and said, "why in the world, if they were angels would they just give me a sticker and leave?  i mean, yeah, it lifted my spirits and made me smile, but i wasn't in a bad mood or suicidal or anything major like that."

i liked my mom's response: "maybe it was just God saying, 'i love you.'"

i don't guess i'll ever know for sure if they were just two random little girls or angels, but i don't guess it really matters.  i'm still trying to decide what to do with the sticker.  i want to put it somewhere where i will see it, so that it will turn my thoughts to Christ and the overwhelming and sometimes hard-to-believe truth that He loves me.

and that, my friends, is the tale of the angels of Jupiter House.

because He lives.

how far God has brought us! and when i say "us," i guess i'm mostly thinking of myself.

it was four years ago that i was back in Denton, and hardly knew anyone. i didn't have a church home at the time, i was dating long distance, and i had just gotten a phone call telling me my grandfather was in the hospital due to his third stroke.

i didn't know then that Denton would become "home" (strictly in the earthly sense, of course), and since then it really seems like life has been one long transition. but i guess that's what living in this vague 20-something age group is all about: transition.

i love my job. i love my church. and, most of all, i love the friends that God has blessed me with these past few years; friends who know my junk, the darkest parts of me and yet still love me. i am so blessed, because, frankly, i don't deserve it. i never was the popular kid growing up, and have always lived in the shadow of my brothers or my parents. and though i love my family, i discover more and more how my identity is found in Christ alone.

i long to do so much. to travel, to romance, to speak in tongues, to heal, to prophecy...oh, to live like Paul and Timothy! and yet if i never do any of those things, i can rest content in my Savior's arms because of where He has brought me to.

there are children who have never heard the Gospel. there are women who endure abuse day after day, suffocated by the thought that their prayers are unheard. there's a guy in the coffee shop struggling and just wishing he had someone to walk beside him in it all.

and when all is said and done and i consider the past and i hope for the future, i am refreshed and comforted by these old words:

because He lives
i can face tomorrow.
because He lives
all fear is gone.
because i know
He holds the future
and life is worth the living
just because He lives.